What are you afraid of?

Some people are afraid of the dark. Others are afraid of the creepy crawly critters of the world, like spiders and snakes. Some are afraid of clowns while others suffer from Geliophobia – the fear of laughter.

My Fear? I’m afraid of getting hurt by men.

Which is odd, since I am one.

To be more specific, I’m afraid of not living up to perceived male expectations. I grew up believing all the things I was interested in were silly or unworthy of attention by the males in my life, and when I didn’t find myself interested in the same things other guys or their fathers were, I felt that there was something wrong with me. In some cases, I was told there was.

The frustrating part is that while I do to muster up the courage to get past it, the moment I think of engaging in conversation with a guy I don’t know well, my brain starts spinning and my tongue locks down. The next few awkward moments are spent trying to find something, anything to say while I try to make my escape. Groups are easier, but only so long as I don’t engage too directly with just one person. It doesn’t help that I’m not as interested in what are stereotypically considered “manly” interests such as hunting, guns, sports, etc. as many are.

I do like to blow stuff up, fish, watch action movies, and I love cars.

If I am able to do all of those while eating popcorn? SCORE!

However, if the calmest and warm-hearted male were to ask me a question about the above topics, I would most likely panic, yammer out something of a supposedly humorous response, then start seeking the exit, stage left, from the limelight of their attention.

Yes, Margaret – I use humor like octopi use ink.

Fear is such an odd thing. It inspires the timid to acts of heroism and drives heroes into the depths of cowardice. It lingers just below the surface waiting to turn us into stammering fools in the face of direct confrontation, stuttering frustration, and even playful flirtation. The effects can bring about sweaty palms, chilled spines, quickened hearts, and a wet blanket of guilt and shame.

It is in these moments that I try to remember the stories surrounding Simon Peter. Known as the “Rock” and one of the “Sons of Thunder”, Peter’s actions, at times, appear to be driven more by fear and doubt than anger and zeal.

The first of the more obvious tales was when he walked on the water. There he is, looking directly at the one he believes to be the savior of the world, strolling around on the churning seas like walking on the boardwalk. Boldly, Peter asks for proof,“‘Lord, if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’” (Matt 14:28 NIV)

And Jesus, always ready to teach His budding disciples, obliges. ”’Come,’”

Without wasting a breath Peter is out of the boat and into the water – correction – ON the water. “Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.” (Matt 14:29)

Right now you might say, “D-Ram, you just ruined your point. There’s no scare in Simon’s stride, obviously. Duh.”

And I would say you are correct, except that as quickly as Peter climbs out of the boat to take his seaward stroll, his eyes turn from his Master to the maelstrom: “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’” (Matt 14:30)

Things rarely stay afloat when our eyes are more focused on our fears instead of our faith.

I think Peter suffered a similar episode in the garden of Gethsemane. Judas had led the soldiers to arrest Jesus. Jesus was ready to go and even told the soldiers to free the others. Then, as if the Son of God – who happens to have 12 legions of angels at His disposal (Matt 26:53) – wasn’t standing right in front of him, Peter grabs his sword and de-lobes the high priest’s servant – a guy by the name of Malchus. (John 18:1-14 NIV)

Was Peter angry or was he acting out of fear? Did Peter not think Jesus could have handled these guys with a flick of his godly wrist?

Cast out demons? Check. Heal the sick? Absolutely. Raise the dead? In a heartbeat.

Stop the human soldiers from making an arrest? No way!

Of course, we all know the story of Peter’s three-time loyalty check and the crowing rooster.

We also know the outcome, and that is the best part of this happy tale.

Despite his failings and fears, Jesus made a point of tracking Peter down and made sure he knew that He was very alive. Upon Peter’s realization that Jesus was standing 100 yards away on the beach, he didn’t wave and say he would be right there. He didn’t stick his head in the bottom of the boat to hide. No, he courageously did the one thing, the right thing, that any of us could do.

Peter got to Jesus as fast as he could.

“…As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards.” (John 21:7-8)

Isn’t that how it goes? We stumble over ourselves trying to deal with the shame and guilt of our actions, trembling under the weight of the fears and stresses of life, when Jesus shows up, undoubtedly right when we need Him? And in the midst of that moment of recognition, we should be running and praying as fast and hard as we can to get back into His presence.

Fear isn’t gotten rid of – but it can be overridden with courage. Courage doesn’t mean you won’t feel fear, it just means you’re not going to let fear keep you from doing what you need to do. It probably won’t happen all at once, and it could be a trial and error situation of progress. But in time – He will get you where you need to go, which is right where He is, on the shoreline just a short distance away with nourishment for your weary body and soul.

While I have issues trusting and conversing with men now, once upon a time I was afraid to speak to anyone. I certainly wasn’t able to get up on a stage and talk in front of people. I was too afraid of  being rejected or made fun of. Since then, through the opportunities Jesus has graced me with, I have gained confidence and courage. The only way I could have ever gained such wonderful weapons against fear is through the One who Loves me and saves me from myself on an almost daily basis.

Jesus of Nazareth. The Son of God and Lord of all. He never complains and He is always watching over you and me. 

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23: 1-4)

He Loves you so very much, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.